"When it is cold in your room, you turn on the heater, and the heater begins to send out waves of hot air. The cold air doesn't have to leave the room for the room to become warm. The cold air is embraced by the hot air and becomes warm-there's no fighting at all between them.
"We practice taking care of our anger in the same way. Mindfulness recognizes anger, is aware of its presence, accepts and allows it to be there. Mindfulness is like a big brother who does not suppress his younger brother's suffering. He simply says, 'Dear brother, I'm here for you.' You take your younger brother in your arms and you comfort him. This is exactly our practice.
"Imagine a mother getting angry with her baby and hitting him when he cries. That mother does not know that she and her baby are one. We are mothers of our anger and we have to help our baby, our anger, not fight and destroy it. Our anger is us and our compassion is also us. To meditate does not mean to fight. In mindfulness, the practice of meditation should be the practice of embracing and transforming, not of fighting."
So, as disingenuous and awkward as it might seem to your mind, set the intention to experiment with your subjective experience of anger by following these steps:
1. When you first become aware of the feeling of anger see if you can consciously “label” the emotional experience by gently saying to yourself something like, “I’m experiencing anger.” This is called “metal noting,” and it’s a very important step in changing direction.
2. Connect with the sensation of a few breaths in a relaxed belly to help ground you in the present moment and liberate you from the involuntary ruminative and discursive thoughts that tend to dominate our minds when we’re angry.
3. Open to anger for a few moments as a physical experience in your body and do so with a sense of innocent curiosity. It is sometimes helpful to consciously ask something like, “What is this sensation in my body?”
4. With tenderness, non-judgment, and without expectation for any particular outcome enter into a dialogue with your anger by asking it questions like, "What needs are you trying to communicate? How can I help meet those needs?" Quite often you'll find that all it (you) needed was to be heard, validated, and understood.
Every emotional event we experience unfolds differently than we would normally expect when we simply bring unbiased, if not compassionate awareness to what is actually happening within us in the present moment.