As mindful parents, we understand that our children are sovereign little human beings under our care and tutelage for a short time. We recognize the importance of doing what we can to help them become independent and self-reliant individuals, able to question authority, able to chart their own course, able to think for themselves and believe in themselves. We don’t want to raise automatons, robots, and merely obedient souls. If we never allow them to explore how and when to say “No,” they may be left to figure it out on their own – in peer relationships or out in the grown-up world.
This means, necessarily, that we have to find ways to let them say no - to us - in the safe and supportive environment of the parent/child relationship. This requires a bit of mindfulness, wisdom, compassion, and patience on our part, and it requires that we slow down in the moment to look within and get curious about our own resistance to the word, “No.”
Keep these questions in mind if you react with anger or frustration to a “No”:
1. Is it always “bad” for our children to say, “No?”
2. Isn’t it good to learn how and when to say, “No?” After all, his is how we set healthy boundaries and protect ourselves.
3. Am I reacting to my own inner discomfort and duress or responding to the needs of this little human in this moment?
4. Am I parenting in this moment, or are my conditioned emotional reactions doing the parenting?
When it’s not a dangerous situation and doing so won’t put anyone in harm’s way experiment with letting them “get away with it.” Let them choose their own course sometimes. Allow them the opportunity to make some mistakes (with no finger-wagging or I-told-you-so’s). Let them enjoy the freedom to say “No” while you enjoy the freedom of letting go.
This means, necessarily, that we have to find ways to let them say no - to us - in the safe and supportive environment of the parent/child relationship. This requires a bit of mindfulness, wisdom, compassion, and patience on our part, and it requires that we slow down in the moment to look within and get curious about our own resistance to the word, “No.”
Keep these questions in mind if you react with anger or frustration to a “No”:
1. Is it always “bad” for our children to say, “No?”
2. Isn’t it good to learn how and when to say, “No?” After all, his is how we set healthy boundaries and protect ourselves.
3. Am I reacting to my own inner discomfort and duress or responding to the needs of this little human in this moment?
4. Am I parenting in this moment, or are my conditioned emotional reactions doing the parenting?
When it’s not a dangerous situation and doing so won’t put anyone in harm’s way experiment with letting them “get away with it.” Let them choose their own course sometimes. Allow them the opportunity to make some mistakes (with no finger-wagging or I-told-you-so’s). Let them enjoy the freedom to say “No” while you enjoy the freedom of letting go.